A Year To Think

It is exactly one year since my last post on this blog – and what a strange year it’s been.

Obviously, the global pandemic was something no-one was able to predict: in the UK at the beginning of the ill-fated 2020, there were only murmurs of a virus in east Asia, but none of us thought it would travel across the world and have the impact that it did.

That wasn’t entirely the reason I stopped blogging though.

In February last year I found myself slowing down a little, like I was reaching a hill that I didn’t have the strength nor will to walk up.

I’ve chalked this down to a couple of things: time, and self-doubt.

Time

I’d reached a point where writing and editing blog posts took away from my personal time, which meant less time to spend on other things I wanted to do, like learning more scales on the guitar, tucking into my ever-growing mound of books, working on my Italian vocabulary. Due to spending a lot of thought power on my blog, a lot of those things became rushed. I wanted to reclaim a bit of time to focus on those things, so naturally stepping back from blogging for a bit felt like the right solution.

Self-doubt

It was at this point that I was also beginning to feel doubts over what I was posting on my blog: while there was nothing personal, incriminating, or controversial being shared here there were points where I was throwing words out as they came to me and treating my blog like a diary, a place where I could unload my stress when I was bottling things up. After some time, I’d frequently find myself worrying about whether an acquaintance, like a work colleague or a family friend, came across my blog would they think differently of me? Cue the mounting self-doubt. Eventually, every time I opened up my blog I’d write and doubt every single word that went in.

Originally, I only intended on taking a month or so off, to take time to recharge and focus on the areas in my life that weren’t writing or blogging, but when the global pandemic hit the UK and lockdown measures were put in place, I very much was not in the mood to write anything for a while. I got stuck into other things, like painting, playing more guitar, playing online games, and (responsible) drinking with friends over video calls!

And now, here I am.

I’ve logged in after almost a year out of this account, have read back over some of my old posts with a small sense of nostalgia, now feeling an eagerness to get back into it again.

So to start my blog off again on a more positive note, let it be noted that although nothing much has changed in my life this past year, I fortunately am still in a good place. I’m still in the same job that challenges me and pushes me more than any role I’ve had before, I still have my amazing friends and family who continue to support me, am still in a loving relationship with a wonderful person.

… I also discovered World of Warcraft during the first lockdown. And I love it.

Sure, there were plans to do a lot more than I did, such as travel and see more of the sights of my lovely city – but such is life! Hopefully this year the stars will align a little better and we will be able to catch up on what we missed out on in 2020.

A very belated happy new year – here’s to a fruitful 2021!

Photos in post by Ella Jardim on Unsplash, feature image photo by Liana Mikah on Unsplash

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